I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
