just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We left an ass print on the piano.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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