The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
