Ambien. No doubt about it.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
