the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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