I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
