I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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