You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
