it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
