No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
