i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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