Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
