We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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