That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
