no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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