eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
