at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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