Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize