Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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