...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize