It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
