thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
