it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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