we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
