dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
