there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
