Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This is my gift to your gina
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
