last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
ttyl tear gas
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
