i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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