I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
