everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
