so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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