Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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