I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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