he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
where are you?
Hypothermia
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
