I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
