she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
