I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
