so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
