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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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