I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
