remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
