please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
