I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
