May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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