Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
