I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
