How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
