If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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