One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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