the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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