You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
