I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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