I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
ok first of all what the fuck
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
