She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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