this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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