I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just forgot I was standing up.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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