Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
