My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
