I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
