he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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