im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
