it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
