I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
