i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
