tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
