Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
