So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
