I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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