Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
